Day 09: Someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted
Hmmm...well before I get into the sad reality that people drift as they get older...I would like to say that today was the first day back to school for our lil' guy!
He was so excited to start this year. Last year his grades were hard for him to keep up with, the whole: "School is for learning" thing didn't quite sink in with him. I hope it does this year. Life would be quite a bit easier on all of us!
We had to deal with after school tutorials and all sorts of not fun catch-up stuff...so this summer we kind of drilled a few things into him. We've made a Family Agreement, and hold weekly Family Meetings to get all of us on the same page, and talk about what's working and what isn't. I think it has helped immensely! He has a list of manners that we are working on, a couple per week, and we have been practicing spelling, handwriting, math, and other things Fourth Grade. I hope he sees how his hard work will pay off.
This morning was precious. He helped pick out his clothes the night before, we set his alarm, was in bed early for a good start. I made Sunrise Cupcakes (they are really healthy muffins....shhhhhh!) and his favorite cheesy eggs. He had put his backpack on out of excitement as soon as he came out of his room dressed and ready for the day! I laughed with the darling Hubs, and we told him he didn't have to eat breakfast with the backpack on. It was three more times that he put the backpack on out of excitement before it was actually time to go. Once when going to put on shoes, again when he was supposed to go brush his teeth and one final time as I was wanting to help fix his hair.
I can remember the excitement. The butterflies in my stomach, wondering how my teacher was going to be...the desire to be back with all my friends after a long summer away from them. Fourth grade. Wow. It was a year full of writing, spelling and math. I remember it was the first year I knew I made a 100 on all my spelling tests. The first year I had a boyfriend. A "real" one that even gave me a locket, and passed notes to me. We'd meet on the soccer field and the other kids, none of whom had been in a "relationship" like we were chanting for us to kiss....oh the memories.
So as I think about how it was at that age, I strive to make this year even better than his last year. Better than mine, too. I want him to look back at this age as a true joy and with a fondness that will someday grow so large it spills over into his child's experience as well.
As I think of his experience and how great I want it to be, I now can focus on the theme of today's post. It is Day 09, of course. I had a sweet friend in Fourth grade. She and I had been friends since Kinder, and we were practically inseparable. When we were swimming or sharing a bath, we would laugh because people thought we were the other. For a small fleeting moment, I would imagine my life as her sister, we were sisters. However, in Fourth Grade a girl came between us. A bully of sorts, perhaps. But a girl that didn't want to share her friend, who was really my friend. Oh the drama, so long story short; I ended up making a new friend. Still friends with the original when we weren't in school, but this new friend and I realized we lived rather close, and we had many interests.
So we became pretty darn good friends. Although even through the years others came and tried to take this friend from me too, we stayed friends until college. We went to the same school, and wanted to room together, but I was told...not to room with friends. I was so scared it would hurt our friendship that I agreed to room with another that I didn't know as well...and that was probably the one decision of my entire life that I regret. If I could go back and change anything. It would be me choosing anybody over that Fourth Grade friend of mine.
Our relationship dwindled, and fizzled. She lived in an all girl's dorm, and I was in a co-ed upperclassman dorm because the dorm we were supposed to go into was demolished, and we went on a waiting list. So instead of living with a bunch of Freshman and having a dorm with a curfew, I was in a dorm with 21+ers that knew what made college fun. Oh the stories from Rm. 111 at San Saba Hall. I do believe I could write a novel involving psycho roommates and foreign roommates and living in a room all by myself...about the relationships and my baking bringing all the boys to the basement for studying. I also became a campus legend of sorts for a while-but that's for another day. I used to be interesting. Haha.
I do wish this lovely lady and I hadn't drifted so. The nail that sealed the coffin was probably my controlling ex. That relationship, I now realize was so unhealthy...he didn't like any of my friends, and his friends, well. Most of them would hit on me the second he left the room. I wasn't sure if it was because they were testing me to see if I was good for him, or what. I doubt it. As soon as I ended the crazy relationship the propositions came flooding in...blech.
I think I may have hurt her feelings, and I wish I knew how to get us back together to patch things up. But then again, there are many people that I feel I have drifted from. Life gets so busy and with me working two jobs while going to college...then my internships. Well, time just wasn't on my side during that time.
If she's reading this, which I highly doubt...I want her to know how much I miss her. The memories of our Senior year, and that car accident. Oh my....the movie nights when we'd freak ourselves out so much that even Ursula was too scary. The night with the jello...and blasting the cold air into the house so we could pile on the blankets. Good times, with an amazing friend.
So now that I'm all mopey about losing that closeness...about her not being at my Wedding, or even meeting my Hubby and Son...I'll move on to my day and hope that someday we reconnect.
~Rolling through life to the rhythm of love...share the bliss.
No comments:
Post a Comment